Crossing
by ksfd89
Summary: Rory moves to New York two years after the Obama campaign and finds unfinished business return. Literati, of course!
1. Chapter 1

**New fic set roughly three years after the finale. I hope you all enjoy it!I will probably update this less frequently than my earlier fics because I have a new job!**

Through the muggy air Rory Gilmore crossed the street. It was Saturday afternoon and she'd just finished at the store. Going to get groceries was not Rory's favourite way to spend a weekend, but she worked every day, spending her evenings nibbling on takeout whilst touching up articles, and had little free time. Once in a while her conscience would strike and Rory would make a real trip to the store, stocking up on fruit and green vegetables she swore she would eat. That night she would try her hand at cooking, bravely attempting stir fry or stew, yet no matter how easy the website promised the recipe would be, Rory's food would burn or remain raw, congealing into a sticky mess in the pan.

"You're my daughter, honey," Lorelai said when Rory called. "It's best to give up now. I learned that years ago."

"Quit trying to cook a real meal?"

"Quit wasting your time! Rory, you cannot cook. You're going to destroy those fancy saucepans as well as your digestive system."

"You're the one who keeps telling me to eat a real meal."

"Chinese is a real meal. I want you to eat, Rory. I don't want you to forget while you work late."

"I eat fine."

Rory's voice was quiet and Lorelai, noticing, said,

"Rory, you don't have to be great at everything. You suck at cooking and you got that from me. Now go order some pizza before I put on a Loius Armstrong voice."

Rory had laughed and felt better. She obeyed her mother but today, after a potluck lunch at work, the urge to try had hit Rory again and she'd shopped in the food aisles, determined to cook from scratch. Her bags were heavy in her hands and swayed painfully against her legs. Rory gritted her teeth and crossed the streets back to the apartment she'd been renting since she had moved to New York two years ago. Rory had considered, not that long ago, of moving out and into her then-boyfriend's apartment but those plans had fallen apart, along with her relationship, and Rory once more spent her evenings alone.

Rory made it back to her apartment building, feeling the sweat in her hair trickle onto her forehead. Teeth gritted, she got the door open and mounted the stairs. The elevator had been broken for as long as Rory had lived there and she carefully made her way to top of the steps, feeling the strain in her arms. Once inside, she dumped the bags on the table, disrupting the notes for her articles which lay around the laptop. Rory put on a pot of coffee, drank a bottle of water in one gulp, and stretched her neck back, which was feeling stiff after the foray into town. As the coffee brewed Rory got out her cellphone and checked her voicemail. There was a chirpy message from Lorelai, another from Lane and, to her surprise, one from Luke. Rory saw him most weekends, when she went home to Stars Hollow, and he had got back together with Lorelai a few months ago, but they never called each other. Confused, she pushed the sweaty bangs back from her eyes and played the message. Rory didn't even know Luke could use a cellphone.

"Hey Rory, it's Luke," she heard him say. "I guess you knew that, or maybe you don't, I can't tell with these damn things...anyway, I'm calling because Jess came over last week and he asked about you. I told him you were fine and I said maybe he should call you. He said he didn't want to call you unless you were okay with it, so I'm calling to, uh, see if you are. Okay with it, I mean. Call me when you can. Your mom sends her love. Well, you knew that. Bye, Rory. Bye."

Rory slowly took the phone from her ear and stared at it. It was a good thing that it was a message and Luke wasn't on the phone himself, as Rory had been struck dumb. Rory picked up the empty water bottle and shook the last of the dregs into her mouth, hoping it would cool the sudden burning in her mind. Fifty questions were hammering around her head, clamouring in a painful chorus. Jess was back? Back in Stars Hollow, or just back in Connecticut? Or was he simply visiting his uncle and, if so, why the sudden wish to talk to Rory? They hadn't talked since...Rory shook her head, the sudden, shaky feeling from climbing all the stairs engulfing her again. She remembered the last time they'd talked and knew Jess did too.

She couldn't call Luke like this. Rory set the phone down and headed into the pokey bathroom. The water which came from the shower was mostly lukewarm, with a rusty smell and habit of freezing or boiling Rory halfway through, but today she didn't care about the risk. Rory put the water on full blast, standing in the tub for a sinful half-hour, closing her eyes and allowing the weak water to pummel her head and the soap to run in her eyes. Finally, after taking her time getting dressed, Rory picked up the phone again. She wished she could simply text but it had been enough of a struggle to get Luke to actually buy a cellphone. He rarely used it and Rory dialled the diner number, curling her hand up tight. Luke answered almost instantly and Rory pictured him, clad in flannel and a baseball cap attached to his head.

"Luke's."

"Hey, Luke. It's Rory."

"Hey," Luke said. The rushed sound of his voice disappeared and he asked warmly,

"How's it going?"

"Okay. I got your message. Is this a bad time?"

"No, it's fine," Luke said, a slight pause in his voice. Before it could become uncomfortable Rory rushed on,

"It's okay. You can tell Jess he can call, if he wants."

"He seems to," Luke pointed out. Rory blushed.

"Right. Well, give him my number."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course," Rory said, trying to sound nonchalant. "I'm fine."

Luke gave a grunt of understanding and Rory asked,

"Is something going on? Is Jess back?"

"He's not moving back, if that's what you mean," Luke said. "He wanted to tell you himself. Actually, I'm not even sure what it is. He didn't say."

"Oh."

Rory's words dried up and she was saved from answering further as Luke said,

"Rory, I'm sorry, I need to go, a bunch of customers just walked in."

"That's fine," Rory said quickly. "I need to go anyway. Thanks for calling me."

"No problem," Luke said. "Have a good night, Rory. Don't work too hard."

"You too, Luke. I'll try. Give Mom my love."

Rory hung up, her head spinning and sank down onto an uncomfortable chair. She hadn't spoken to Jess for over a year, not since that awful night. The night hadn't been awful, Rory amended. Just the day after.

_Are you always going to do this?_

_Am I always going to be careful?_

_This isn't being careful, Rory, you know it isn't! This is what you do when you get scared!_

_I'm not going to throw this away!_

Rory shook back the memories which were already starting to hurt. She looked around the kitchen and her eyes settled on the coffee she'd forgotten to drink. Rory made some more but as she sipped, closing her eyes, the harsh words echoed in her mind. She stubbornly opened her laptop, focusing her thoughts on her work, and she churned out some five hundred words before her stomach begun to protest in hunger. Rory automatically reached for the takeout menu before catching sight of the grocery bags and recalled her good intentions of the morning, which felt like a different day. Rory got out some vegetables, started to chop and pretended her burned stew was fine as she waited for Jess to call.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for the feedback! I'm enjoying revisiting Rory and Jess!**

Rory jumped when Jess called, despite her anticipation. She pushed her charred vegetables to the side and answered,

"Hello?"

"Hey, Rory?"

"Hey, Jess."

Rory swallowed and settled on the chair. She heard Jess pause and she added,

"Luke gave you my number, then."

"He said you told him it was okay."

"It was," Rory said awkwardly, feeling foolish. "It is, of course it is. How are you, Jess?"

"I'm okay," Jess said simply. "Are you?"

"I'm fine," Rory said automatically. "I'm good."

"Good."

There was taut silence and then Jess said,

"Listen, I'm coming to work here. Here in New York, I mean."

"What?" Rory blurted out and then, more calmly, "You got a new job?"

"No," Jess said, sounding amused at her outburst. "We're working with another company. I'm here for six months."

"Oh," Rory said and then, because it was too small a word, "That's great."

"Thanks."

There was another pause and then Jess asked,

"I wondered if you wanted to get some coffee or something."

"Coffee?"

"If you want," Jess said. "I figured you're still crazy about coffee."

Rory smiled in spite of herself.

"I am," she said. "I'd like to, but –"

Rory caught herself and Jess asked,

"What?"

"Nothing," Rory said awkwardly. Jess didn't reply and she asked,

"So when are you moving?"

"Two weeks."

"Oh," Rory said again. "Great."

"Rory, I need to go," Jess said, saving her. "I'll call you soon."

"Bye, Jess."

Rory's heart was thudding heavily in her chest. _But aren't you mad at me? Aren't we going to argue? _Rory recalled the way they had flung words at each other before, almost exactly a year before. She had fought with Paul, more than just argued, and everything seemed to be whirling out of control. Rory found herself reaching for her cellphone, not thinking about how awkward it could be, and there was no trace of surprise in Jess's voice when he said she could come over.

Rory had been with Paul for a year. She met him on the campaign trail, two fellow journalists who were teased for being new to the game by the veterans on the trip. He was tall with dark hair and light, grey eyes which seemed almost transparent. Rory and Paul would smile shyly at each other but didn't have a real conversation for several weeks. One night, after a particularly gruelling day in Georgia, Rory sank down wearily on the steps outside the motel they were staying at. She'd been working since five that morning, often without a friendly reception, and the last person she'd asked for opinions had slammed his front door in Rory's face, telling her to 'git back to her fancy school.' Rory simply wrote _no comment_ on her opinions sheet but, to her shame, found a lump at the back of her throat she couldn't swallow. She wanted to go home. She wanted to 'git back' to Connecticut, to Yale, to all that she knew. She missed home and she missed her mother but Rory didn't want to talk to anyone about it. They already teased her enough for being so young and fresh-faced. Rory got out her phone to call Lorelai but after staring at the screen for a moment she put it away. It just seemed to add the way they teased her, needing to call her mommy every night, and Rory put the phone back in her pocket, feeling a big tear trickle down her cheek.

"Coffee for your thoughts?"

Rory jumped. In the half-light she saw Paul, the guy they also liked to tease, standing behind her. He smiled uncertainly and said,

"I hear you like coffee."

"No," Rory said, quickly wiping the tear away. "I mean yes. I love coffee."

"I knew seeing you drink an entire pot every morning wasn't an illusion," Paul said, making Rory blush. "Mind if I sit?"

"No," Rory said, and feeling foolish, "Yes. I mean, please sit. If you want."

He laughed and did so, handing Rory the cup.

"Want to talk?"

Rory did. She halting talked about being homesick, feeling ashamed for wanting to go home when she had this job and Paul nodded, letting her get it out before saying he felt the same way sometimes.

"I can't wait to go home for Christmas."

"Really?" Rory asked curiously. "You always look so happy."

"You've looked at me?" he teased her, making her go red again. "I bet half the people on this trail want to home. I miss my mom and dad and my brothers and sisters, even though I want to strangle them sometimes."

Rory smiled and learned all about his life in New Jersey before telling him about Lorelai and Stars Hollow. They talked until their hands were pimpled with cold and their voices hoarse. Within two weeks they were dating and in another two they were sleeping together.

"Tell me," Paul asked one Saturday as they lay in bed together. "What made you choose this?"

Rory looked up at his grey eyes and he tucked a stray hair behind her ear.

"They offered me the job right after graduation," she said. "It was an amazing opportunity."

"No," he said. "What made you choose this? You said that guy asked you to marry him."

"Logan."

"Right. Why did you take this instead of marrying him?"

"He didn't want to do both." Rory lay back in the bed, a little awkward at it being brought up. "I said we could try but he said he wanted me to move West with him."

"You didn't love him?"

"It wasn't that," Rory said uncomfortably. "I said Logan didn't want to try. Anyway, we were so young..."

Rory fell silent. She didn't want to be discussing this, naked, on a Saturday morning, with her new boyfriend. Paul went silent too and just as Rory began to think the conversation was over he asked,

"Are you sorry?"

"No," Rory said, her voice quietly confident. "I don't regret it."

Paul started playing with her hair again and Rory twisted her face around, out of reach.

"What about you?" she asked. "Have you been with anyone like that?"

"Ruth, in high school," he answered. "She wanted to settle down – not after college, right after high school. She thought we should get married after graduation."

"Wow."

"I said I'd always wanted to go to college and she asked why I couldn't go as her husband. It didn't work out."

Rory nodded silently, thinking of Dean.

"Did you ever see her after that?" she asked.

"She married a quarterback from the other high school," Paul said. "She has two kids now."

Rory didn't know what to say but the look in Paul's eyes indicated that he also wanted to change the subject. He put his arms around her, kissing her, and the day felt freshly begun.

Paul never asked about Logan again, nor any other old boyfriends, and Rory didn't offer any information. Paul thought Logan had been the big love in her life, like Ruth was for him, and there didn't seem to be any need to contradict. It wasn't even a contradiction, Rory told herself. She had loved Logan an awful lot and there wasn't any need for Paul to know about Jess. She didn't want an uncomfortable conversation about why it hadn't worked out and Rory certainly didn't want to discuss going to Philadelphia. When they did drive though, a few weeks later, Rory didn't say anything and Paul didn't notice. Jess was someone she kept private.

After the campaign trail the team found new jobs and split separate ways. Rory and Paul both found work at a paper in a New York. Paul found an apartment for one person, to Rory's relief. She liked being with Paul a lot but felt it was too soon to think about living together and she found a similar apartment a few blocks away. For several months, their relationship was smooth. They worked long hours and frequently stayed over at each other's apartments working on articles they'd been allocated. Then, one afternoon, Rory had been asked to go to the manager's office. She swallowed nervously, worried that she was going to be told off for working too closely with Paul, but instead there was good news. The paper had offices in Philadelphia and there was a new position.

"It's a great opportunity, Rory," the manager told her. "And there's an increase in salary."

Philadelphia. Rory's breath caught in her throat but she smiled normally and thanked her boss. Paul didn't think it was such a great idea.

"Why do you want to move when things are so great here?"

"It looks like it could be interesting," Rory told him. "And my pay would go up."

"Not by much. If you stayed here I bet it would go up even higher."

Rory stared at him where he stood with a sullen expression. His arms weren't crossed but Paul looked tense and Rory asked,

"Why does it matter if I move? Philadelphia's not that far away. We can see each other on weekends."

"It won't be the same! You know it won't!"

"Why are you making this so hard?" Rory demanded, determined not to let her voice tremble. "This is a good thing!"

"Not for our relationship!"

They argued back and forth all night and finally Rory choked,

"You're supposed to support me. If you can't support me –"

"I'm supporting our relationship!"

"But not me!"

Rory was out of words. She knew if she opened her mouth again it would be to cry.

"If that's the way you see it," Paul said, sounding the same way himself. "Then maybe –"

"Maybe what?" Rory demanded.

"Maybe we shouldn't be together."

They stopped, staring and then before Rory could respond Paul had got his jacket and slammed out the door. Rory looked long after he had gone but it was only when she sat down at the table that the tears began to fall. For a while she sat there, crying, before getting out her cellphone and calling the first person that she needed to talk to. Jess had answered almost instantly.

"Rory?" he asked, puzzled. "What's going on?"

"I'm sorry," Rory sobbed. "I'm sorry to call like this."

"What is it?"

Rory paused, managed to stop crying and Jess offered,

"I'll come."

"No," Rory said, wiping her eyes. "I'll come. Is that okay?"

"Do you remember where the Truncheon is?"

"Of course."

Rory thanked Jess, hung up and got her keys. She considered leaving a note but there didn't seem to be any point. Rory got into her car and began to drive to where she wondered if she should be.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for the feedback. The last chapter and this chapter are flashbacks, apologies for any confusion!**

It started raining as Rory drove into Philadelphia and by the time she reached the Truncheon there was a steady downpour. Rory parked the car and as she walked over she saw Jess was already waiting outside. A light was shining over the entrance of the door, casting Jess in a gentle glow. The rain sent the light into streams on the street.

"Hey," she said, trying to smile. "You didn't have to wait out there."

"Wanted to," Jess said simply. "Got all your stuff?"

Rory nodded, holding up her purse, and she followed Jess into the building. It was odd, seeing it so deserted, after the flow of people at the open house although, Rory remembered, when she and Jess kissed it had been empty. For a moment she hesitated. Jess noticed, turning around, and asked,

"Are you okay?"

His foot was on the first step of stairs leading up to the rooms above. Rory nodded.

"Fine."

Jess nodded too and Rory didn't say anymore as she followed him up. It was only when they were sitting at a small table, a cup of coffee in Rory's hand, that she said,

"Thanks, Jess."

Her former boyfriend indicated his head in acknowledgement. He wore a T-shirt to combat the heat, an image of a city on the front, and faded jeans. They made small talk, about Luke and Lorelai and business at the Truncheon before they slipped into an uncertain silence. Jess sipped his own drink before asking,

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Rory stared at her cup, feeling his eyes on her.

"I had the best day," she said eventually. "And then it became the worst day...everything got messed up."

"What did?"

Rory sucked in her breath.

"I got offered a job," she said, looking up. "Well, it's with the same paper, but it was something different."

"A promotion?"

"I guess. I'd make a little more money and do more than I do now and I'd have to move. It's in Philadelphia."

Rory looked at Jess nervously, checking him for reaction, but his eyebrows simply moved a fraction and his expression didn't change. Rory hastened on,

"I told Paul, thinking he'd be happy. I wanted to celebrate and we got in a big fight."

"He's your boyfriend?"

"Yes," Rory said. "We met on the campaign."

"Figured," Jess said simply. "So he wasn't happy."

"No, he was mad," Rory said, staring at the dark liquid in the cup. "It was like he was mad at me. He said it wasn't that much better than the job I have – we have – we work together now – and if I moved to Philadelphia we wouldn't see each other."

"You're not shipping off to 'Nam," Jess remarked. "It's not even three hours drive."

"That's what I said," Rory said. "And we got in this huge fight and then he said – he said maybe we shouldn't be together and he left. And then I called you."

There was a silence and Rory suddenly felt foolish. Why had she driven all this way to see Jess, whom she hadn't seen since her last visit to Philadelphia which had ended on the worst possible terms? It was stupid and insensitive and Rory felt her cheeks burn. She put her cup down but just as she opened her mouth to apologise Jess asked,

"What do you want to do?"

"What?"

"What do you want to do?" Jess asked again. "Do you want the job?"

Rory shook her head, dazed.

"I don't know."

"You said you wanted to celebrate when you got the offer."

"That was before it screwed things up with Paul."

"Rory, tell me you weren't excited. Tell me you weren't already planning out travel routes from Philadelphia to Stars Hollow."

Rory laughed in spite of herself and Jess went on,

"Tell me you didn't know you knew you'd love every second of it. Say it wasn't a dream job."

"Okay, okay," Rory cut in. "Yes, I was excited. I was excited and happy and I couldn't wait to get started. All of that was true."

"And now all of that's gone?"

"No," Rory said hesitantly. "It's just more complicated."

"Rory, I don't see what's complicated here. You've been offered a job you really want and it's not that far away. That guy –"

"Paul."

"_Paul _is being a jerk."

"Jess!"

"It's not on the other side of the country! It's in the next state! Maybe that's not his problem."

"What does that mean?"

"I don't know but he's making a big deal about a short drive. What, does he have some grudge against this place? Is it because I'm here?"

Rory shook her head and her cheeks went red.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Rory, what?"

"I haven't told him about you," Rory said uncomfortably. "He doesn't know you live here."

There was a brief silence and then Jess asked,

"Does he know about Logan?"

"Yes," Rory said. "But that was – we met on the trail. I broke up with Logan hardly six months before."

"You don't talk about stuff before that?"

"I wouldn't expect him to list everyone he dated," Rory said defensively and, as Jess's eyebrows lifted, she hastily added, "Not that you were just a – Jess, it's not because you weren't important to me. I didn't mean it like that."

"Okay," Jess said simply and Rory said,

"You were important. You were – you know what I mean," she said limply, lacking courage to finish what she was about to say. Jess didn't ask any further and she said,

"Are you mad?"

"No," Jess said. "I'm not."

Rory looked into his eyes. His expression was unclear but she believed him.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

Rory sipped the last of her coffee, which had gone cold, and Jess said,

"You should take the job."

"You think?"

"It's what you want. Your boyfriend should understand."

Rory swallowed.

"I don't even know if he's my boyfriend anymore."

"You should still take the job," Jess said gently. "That's the most important thing."

Rory nodded, mulling over his words.

"Thank you," she said eventually. "Thanks, Jess."

"It's okay."

"Thank you for letting me come all the way out here and listening and – God, I must have sounded like an idiot when I called."

"You didn't."

"I'm sorry," Rory said. "I am."

Rory could tell Jess knew she didn't just mean that night.

"It's okay," he said again and she said, her voice shaking,

"No, it's not. It's not okay. I was a jerk."

"Maybe," Jess said. "But it's okay."

"I'm sorry," Rory said again. "I wish I could take it all back."

"Do you?" Jess asked curiously. Rory looked up, puzzled, but before she could ask what he meant Jess said,

"Luke told me you broke up with that guy."

"He did?" Rory asked, feeling herself blush, and Jess said,

"Yeah, right after you left Stars Hollow."

Rory nodded, looking away and Jess said,

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Rory said. "I missed him for a while but I know we shouldn't have got married."

"I think it's good. Not that you left, but I'm glad you're not with him anymore."

"You are?"

Rory looked at Jess curiously and his cheeks flushed in turn as he said awkwardly,

"Yeah. He was a jerk."

"You didn't –"

"Don't say I didn't know him or I caught him on a bad night," Jess interrupted. "He was a jerk. He was an ass to me and he cheated on you. It was more than that one night."

Rory didn't know whether to agree or defend Logan. She looked at Jess, trying to find a response, but was saved when he said,

"I'm glad you left though."

"What?"

"I said I was glad you broke up with Logan but not about you leaving," Jess clarified. "But I'm glad you left – it's good you got your job."

"Yeah," Rory said, slightly sad. "I love it but I miss home. I don't want to move back but I miss Stars Hollow."

Jess nodded and Rory added,

"At least I'm only in New York. On the campaign trail I was everywhere."

"It's not so far," Jess agreed. "New York or Philadelphia."

Rory looked at him, unsure what he meant, but he got up, picking up their empty cups.

"Do you want more coffee?"

"No," Rory said regretfully. "It's getting late. I should go home."

Jess nodded and Rory said,

"It's not that – thanks, Jess. Thanks for letting me talk."

"You're welcome," he said, his lips curving into a crooked grin. "It's good to see you."

"Me too," Rory said. "I mean, it's good to see you. It's been a while."

"That it has."

Rory smiled and Jess turned to put the cups away. As he passed the window his face was illuminated by a flash of lightning, followed shortly by a crash of thunder.

"Huh," Jess said, turning to look face Rory. "Looks pretty bad out there."

Rory joined him at the window. The rain had become a torrent, lashing the windows and wailing in the wind. Another bolt of lightning flashed, lighting the city with an unnatural glare.

"It does."

"Rory, you can't drive in that."

"Sure I can."

"It's not safe. You'll get blown off the road."

Rory laughed a little but the wind did sound fierce and the window rattled.

"Stay," Jess said. "It's no big deal."

"Okay," Rory said, weighing it over. "If you're sure."

"I am."

Jess made them more coffee and they drank it, watching the weather.

"I've never been afraid of thunder," Rory said, breaking the silence. Jess smiled.

"No?"

"No. Or lightning. I found it exciting. I knew I was safe."

"I bet you were reading under your quilt with a flashlight."

Rory laughed and Jess said,

"I'm right, aren't I?"

"Yes," Rory admitted. "So? Lots of kids do."

"I liked to read right by the window. I wanted to see the storm."

Before Rory could ask further about that there was another thud of thunder. Rory felt it move right through her, the heavy sound, and as it faded Jess asked,

"So are you still with him? Paul?"

"No," Rory said. "I don't know. He sounded final."

There was a pause and Jess asked carefully,

"Do you want to still be with him?"

Rory opened her mouth to say she did but found herself saying,

"I don't know."

Jess didn't say anything. They stood in silence, staring at the storm.

"Rory, why did you say no?"

Rory frowned at Jess and he added,

"Why did you say no to Logan? You said you couldn't help loving him."

"It was the wrong time," Rory said. "He didn't want to wait. Loving him wasn't enough."

Jess nodded and Rory said,

"I don't regret it. Not getting married."

"That's the main thing, right?"

"Right," Rory agreed. She paused, wanting to say more, but instead asked,

"Do you live here alone?"

"Chris lives here too but he's out right now. I'll make up your bed."

Jess's bedroom was a reasonable size, the ceiling high and the window deep in the wall. There was a desk by the door and a bookshelf in the corner. The walls were painted blue and music posters were placed in various places, one on which Rory noticed the image from Jess's shirt. Below it stood a coffee table with a notebook. Rory idly picked it up and saw it was filled with Jess's writing, snaking around the page and in the margins. She brushed the page and was reminded of stolen time when she and Jess were eighteen, kissing deeply with their chests pressed tight. Rory looked down, strangely shy, and put the book back.

"Bed's ready," Jess said and Rory looked up, slipping her hands in her pockets.

"Great," she said, forcing her voice to be bright. "Thanks."

Jess nodded and Rory frowned.

"Where are you going to sleep?"

"Couch."

"Jess, I can't take your bed."

"Why not?"

"It's your bed. I feel bad."

"It's fine," Jess said. "The couch is comfortable."

"If it's comfortable let me sleep on it."

"No way, it's lumpy."

"Jess!"

"And there's pizza crumbs on it."

"Jess, come on."

"There's nowhere else to sleep," Jess said. "Chris said he's coming back later and we don't have a spare mattress. Unless you want to sleep in it together."

Rory stared, feeling her face get warm, and Jess quickly said,

"That's a joke."

"Oh," Rory said awkwardly. "I knew that."

"I'll take the couch," Jess said. "I'll go put some pillows on it."

Rory nodded, embarrassed, and it was only when he had gone that she remembered that she should call Paul. She got out her cellphone, guilty that she had forgotten, but there were no messages and when she dialled his number there was no reply. Rory hesitated and then sent a message saying _With a friend. Talk later xxx_

Jess returned as she sent it and held out a glass of water.

"Thanks," Rory said, taking it, and Jess asked,

"Did you talk to him?"

"No. Left a message."

Jess nodded and Rory put the phone on the bedside table, taking a drink of water.

"Goodnight," Jess said, sounding as shy as she felt. "There's more water in the kitchen."

"Thanks," Rory said and, as he turned away, she started to say,

"Jess..."

"Yeah?" he asked. Rory's courage failed as he looked at her and she said,

"Nothing. Sleep well."

"You too, Rory."

Rory did not sleep well. She tossed and turned and when she eventually dropped off her dreams were troubled, on the periphery of sleep. Rory dreamed she was walking along the edge of the cliff, a storm creeping from behind. Rory knew if she kept to the path she would be safe but the ground crumbled. The boiling sea rose to meet her and Rory woke with a jump, her heart pounding. It took a few moments to remember she was safe in bed, in Jess's bed, and Rory switched on the light. She drank all the water and got up. She went over to the table, picking up the notebook she'd seen before. Rory opened it but as Jess's inky words met her eyes she felt guilty, that she had intruded, and put it back before she could read any actual words. Rory got back into bed but still wasn't tired so tiptoed to the kitchen. She reached for the light when she saw a form bending over the sink and let out a cry of alarm before realising it was Jess.

"It's me, Rory!"

"Sorry," Rory said, switching on the light. "You surprised me."

"I'm not feeling so calm myself."

Rory nodded, embarrassed, and then felt a whole other kind of embarrassment as her eyes adjusted to the light. Jess was shirtless and simply wearing a pair of boxers. She herself was only in her shirt and underwear. Rory felt her nipples pucker in the cold and awkwardly folded her arms over her chest. They hadn't seen so much of each other's skin even when they were together. Jess coughed.

"Sorry," he said. "I didn't think anyone would be up. I don't think Chris came back after all."

"No, it's fine," Rory said hastily. "I couldn't sleep."

"Me neither. I just went to get some water," Jess said. "Here..."

He filled Rory's glass for her and replenished his own. Rory sipped thankfully and Jess said,

"I'll head back to the couch. Sorry I scared you."

Rory sat on one of the chairs and, as he moved away, slowly said,

"I want to love him."

Jess stopped and sat down next to her at the table.

"Paul?" he guessed and, at Rory's nod, "is that what you were going to say before?"

Rory bit her lip. It felt strange to have said it out loud.

"I want to love Paul. I want to want to stay with him."

"You don't."

Jess didn't put it as a question and Rory stared at the liquid in her glass.

"I want to."

Jess looked at her, his eyes sad, and Rory suddenly yearned to lean across the barrier of the table and press her lips to his mouth, push her chest to his. She stared into his brown eyes until Jess asked,

"What?"

His voice was husky and Rory forced the urge away.

"Nothing," she said. "Sorry."

Rory drank more water and Jess said,

"Wait, I'll grab a shirt."

"No," Rory said quickly. "It's okay. I'm okay with it."

"You are?" Jess asked, a grin in his eyes and Rory said,

"I just mean that it's not a big deal."

"Alright," Jess said. His tone was still teasing but he sounded serious when he asked,

"What are you going to do when you get back?"

Rory shrugged heavily.

"Try to figure things out."

"Take the job," Jess said. "The rest will figure itself out."

Rory nodded. She opened her mouth to say something more, to thank him, but all that came out was,

"I'm going back to bed."

"So am I," Jess said, getting to his feet. "Night, Rory."

"Night, Jess."

Rory took her empty glass back to the bedroom. She placed it on the table, got back into bed and closed her eyes. Her body was warmed through despite the thin shirt and Rory slipped into a comfortable sleep.

Her cellphone woke her the next morning. Rory opened her eyes, confused, and then sat up in alarm, answering her phone. It was Paul.

"Hey," she said, trying to sound normal. "Where are you?"

"My apartment," Paul replied. "I went over to your place but you aren't back. Where are you?"

"With a friend."

"Who?"

"Someone from home," Rory said, uneasy with her half-truth. "I'm okay. Sorry if I scared you."

"It's okay. Can we talk?"

"Sure," Rory said, glancing at the closed door. "Paul, you need to know something. I'm taking the job."

"You can't."

"Excuse me?"

"Johnson gave it to Mark."

"What?" Rory sprang out of bed. "No, she gave it to me. She offered it to me."

"She also offered it to Mark and Mark said he wants it."

"No," Rory said dumbly. "She said she wanted it for me. It was just yesterday. She can't –"

"Mark heard about it and went right over."

"How?"

"It's a small office, Rory."

Rory didn't know what to say. Tears blurred in her eyes and her throat tightened.

"I'm sorry," Paul said. "But hey, you were having doubts, right?"

"No," Rory choked. "You did."

"Rory," Paul said, sounding frustrated, "I just wanted you to think about it. Look, it's kind of for the best. We can still work together."

"I thought you wanted to split up."

"I was mad," Paul said. "I didn't mean it."

Rory was silent. He had sounded definite the previous night and Paul said,

"Rory? You don't want to break up, do you?"

"No," Rory said quietly. "I don't."

There was a pause and Paul said,

"I'll see you in a few hours. We'll figure it out."

"Yes," Rory managed. "We will. Bye, Paul."

He said goodbye and as Rory hung up she was reminded of Jess's words last night, that things would figure themselves out. A heavy, iron weight seemed to settle in her chest as she slowly got up and pulled on her clothes from the night before. Jess had already made coffee as she went into the kitchen.

"Hey," he said cheerfully. "I was just going to say you could use the shower."

"That's okay," Rory said dully. "I can't stay."

Jess stopped at the sound of her voice.

"What's wrong? What's happened?"

"I spoke to Paul," Rory said, the weight still dragging. "My job's gone."

"What?"

Rory didn't look up so he bent down to reach her eyes.

"What's going on?" he demanded. "What's he talking about?"

"Someone else in our office got it," Rory said. "I don't need to think about it anymore."

She didn't want to cry now but the tired ache of defeat was almost worse. Jess didn't look away.

"How does he know that?" he asked. "You only heard about it yesterday. Did your boss tell you they were going to ask anyone else?"

"She said she'd let me think about it," Rory said. "She didn't say she was going to ask anyone else."

It was unlike her, Rory thought. Her manager always told her things like that but she said,

"I guess she had the right to."

"Wait," Jess said, shaking his head. "This doesn't add up. She said she was going to let you think about it and then instantly hires some other guy? She didn't call you at all?"

Rory shook her head and Jess said,

"This is bull. I don't believe it."

"It doesn't matter," Rory said, surprised at her own anger. "It's gone. There isn't anything I can do."

"Yes, there is," Jess said fiercely. "Call your boss. Figure out what's happened."

"I know what's happened!"

"You know what Paul said! Find out what's going on, fight for it."

"There's nothing to fight for!" Rory cried. "I have to go, I have to talk to Paul, I should never have come..."

"I thought you broke up!"

"He wants to talk. He wants to make up."

"And this is it?" Jess demanded. "You're just going to go back to New York and forget about the job and stay with that guy?"

"He's my boyfriend and _there is no job_!"

Rory yelled the last few words but Jess refused to look away.

"You don't even know that for sure!"

Rory folded her arms and Jess said,

"You know you don't want to stay where you are, with that job and that guy. You _want_ to want to be with him."

"That's better than nothing," Rory snapped and Jess retorted,

"It's easier."

They glared at each other and Jess asked,

"Are you always going to do this?"

"Am I always going to be careful?"

"This isn't being careful, Rory, you know it isn't! This is what you do when you get scared!"

"I'm not going to throw this away!"

"So this is it?" Jess asked. "You're just going to forget about everything you said last night?"

Rory didn't answer and Jess went on,

"Speaking of last night, are you going to tell Paul?"

"Nothing happened!"

"Exactly. So are you going to tell him? Are you going to tell him about coming here, about me at all, us being together?"

"He doesn't need to know."

"Why?" Jess asked. "If you're so comfortable with him?"

"Why are you mad at me?" Rory shot back. "Are you still angry about the other time?"

"This is not about me!" Jess said furiously. "Or him, screw him! This is about you! You giving up this job which, it sounds to me, like you could still get, like when you dropped out of Yale! You letting go of all this stuff for guys who...one guy who was a total ass and one guy who doesn't sound a lot better, or if he is, you're trying to make yourself love. Screw them! What about you?"

They stared at each other. Jess's eyes were wide and fixed on hers but before he could ask more Rory said,

"I have to go."

She picked up her purse, pushed past him and Jess said,

"You only want to love him, Rory! Wanting to love someone isn't enough!"

Rory ignored him. She pushed open the door, collided with whom she guessed must be Chris and as she stumbled out an apology, hurrying past him, she heard Jess call,

"You wouldn't take it back!"

She marched down the stairs and out onto the street and, just before she rounded the corner to her car, glanced back up. Jess was at the window, staring. She looked back up, bit her lip but in silent resolve turned the corner, got into her car and drove away.

A whole year had passed since then. Neither had spoken since but Rory still pondered over Jess's parting words and what he was trying to say.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for the feedback!**

A fortnight later Rory received a phonecall. She turned off the TV and answered.

"Hey."

"Hi, Jess."

Rory knew it would be him before she'd answered. She curled her legs up on the armchair she was sitting in.

"So...how're things?"

"Things are good."

"Good."

There was a pause and Jess asked,

"So did you still want to catch up?"

"Sure," Rory said awkwardly and Jess added,

"For coffee? Or any other kind of beverage, I'm not fussy."

Rory laughed, dispelling some of her nervousness.

"Coffee's good."

"It is?"

"Yeah, it is. Have you finished moving?"

"Almost. I mean, my stuff's here but it's kind of a sty. More stuff than floor."

"Yeah? What kind of stuff?"

"Books and such."

"I wouldn't call it a waste of floor. Depends on the _such_."

"I could tell you but then I'd have to kill you."

Rory laughed again and Jess asked,

"So you still want to get coffee?"

"Yes," Rory said, her brightness flickering and Jess said,

"Saturday? I know a place."

"Okay."

Jess didn't reply but Rory could picture his nod of assent.

"Washington Square Park?"

"What?" Rory said, blinking, and Jess said,

"Washington Square Park. Can I meet you there? At eleven?"

"Okay," Rory said. "It's a date."

"A date?"

"A plan," Rory said stupidly. "Not a date, a plan. I mean –"

"I know what you mean," Jess said, chuckling. "I'll see you there. Bye, Rory."

"Bye, Jess."

Rory hung up, biting her lip. Now that she had agreed to see Jess her braveness was beginning to fade and Rory resisted the urge to call Jess straight back and make an excuse to cancel. All the same, she thought as she wandered into the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee, she was curious to see him again. Before she had remembered the hurt from the last time they'd met, she'd enjoyed bantering with Jess, simply talking to him. They could always pick up where they left off and Rory smiled unknowingly as she turned the switch.

Intrigue was replaced by nervousness on Saturday. Rory settled on a pair of jeans and simple blue shirt before setting off to meet Jess. It was warm and sticky outside and Rory wished she'd chosen a skirt but it was too late to change. She realised halfway there that she hadn't arranged where exactly in the park they should meet but felt too shy to call again. It still felt weird that she had agreed to it and Rory hadn't told anyone, not even Lorelai. Rory wondered what her mother would say and shook the thought away, walking faster. The city shimmered in the heat but she didn't slow her pace. Rory reached the park, deciding to call if she couldn't find Jess, but there was no need. He was standing at the entrance wearing jeans, a plain short-sleeved shirt and smile on his face, hands in the tips of his pockets. Rory smiled too and hurried to meet him.

"Hey."

"Hi," Jess said. "You found it."

"I know where the park is," Rory said defensively. "I've lived here a while now, not like last time."

"I know," Jess said, sounding amused. "I just meant I didn't tell you where I'd be."

"Oh," Rory said, embarrassed. "I figured I'd just walk around until I saw you."

"A wise plan. Shall we?"

Rory hesitated and Jess asked,

"What?"

"Nothing," Rory said quickly, shaking her head. "Let's go."

Jess nodded and led the way, Rory following. She snuck a look over her head to the park, not voicing her secret wish to see the bench where she had found him all those years ago. It seemed pointless now.

Jess took her to a small coffee shop away from the main streets. It was simple inside, painted blue with pictures on the wall, the air mercifully cool, and Rory said,

"I love it."

"You do?"

"It's a real hole in the wall," Rory said happily, taking a chair in the corner. "It's not obvious at all."

"Yeah, well, I can't stand those kind of places. You know, the ones with food in the name."

"Right," Rory agreed and, although Jess made no comment, she knew he was thinking of the bar he'd gone to with her and Logan. It didn't have food in its title but both knew it fit the criteria all the same.

"Danish?"

"What?"

"They do danishes here," Jess said. "I figured you'd want one with your coffee."

"Oh," Rory said, feeling stupid. "Yes, I would. Thanks."

Jess looked at her knowingly and asked,

"Are you nervous?"

"Yeah. A little."

"Me too."

Rory smiled, feeling relieved. She crossed her hands on the menu in front of her and Jess said,

"We're doing okay so far."

Rory looked up, unsure how to answer, but he changed the conversation for her.

"So how about Luke and Lorelai getting together?"

"Yeah," Rory said, unfolding her hands. "I knew it had to happen eventually."

"You did?"

"Yeah. They broke up before but they were so in love. I wasn't surprised when they got back together. It was a matter of time."

"Really?" Jess said. "Huh."

Rory felt her cheeks go red and, annoyed with herself, said,

"You don't agree?"

"No, I do. I just didn't know you thought it too."

"Of course I did," Rory said. Jess nodded and she said,

"I'm actually seeing Mom next weekend."

"I hear she's running her own inn now."

"And awesome at it too," Rory said. Jess grinned and just then the man behind the counter came to take their order. He was dressed similar to them and greeted Jess by name.

"This is Rory," Jess said. "An old friend."

"An old friend, huh?" the man smirked. "What'll you have?"

"Coffee and danish, please," Rory said and Jess added,

"Same here. Thanks, Bill."

Bill disappeared back behind the counter and Jess said,

"This guy makes the best coffee in town. You'll like it, it's twice as strong as anywhere else."

Rory smiled but her thoughts were still caught on the _old friend_ comment and privately she wondered what Jess had said about her, if anything at all. She wasn't sure which she preferred and was glad to see Bill bring the drinks over, saving her from asking.

"So you haven't really told me what you're doing here," Rory said, picking up her cup. "What you're doing in New York, I mean."

"Truncheon stuff," Jess said, tearing off part of his pastry. "We might be opening a branch here."

"Wow, seriously? That's so cool."

"It doesn't suck," Jess grinned. "Plus it makes a change from that apartment with Chris."

"To one with no floor," Rory replied, thinking of her last visit. "With stuff all over the place."

"Books and such. Don't forget the _such_."

"That's right. What kind of _such_? Embarrassing music?"

"You'd have to judge for yourself."

Jess grinned and Rory felt herself blush again, unsure if it was just a comment or an invitation. She sipped her coffee instead of answering and Jess said,

"What about you? You still doing the same thing?"

"I have the same job."

"What about him?" Jess asked cautiously. "Are you still together?"

"No," Rory said briefly. "We broke up."

It didn't really hurt to say out loud anymore but Rory looked away all the same. She didn't think she could bear it if Jess said he was glad, or that Paul was a jerk, or, most painfully, that he'd known they would. Rory stared at the dark liquid in her cup, remembering what Jess had said, how she only wanted to love him, but Jess simply said,

"That's too bad."

Rory lifted her head but there was no sarcasm in his voice and she nodded silently. She looked carefully at Jess, wondering if he was about to ask further, why they had split up, but to her relief he changed the subject.

"Do you live near here?"

"Not too far," Rory said, glad she didn't have to explain. "Just a few blocks. It's small but I like it."

Jess nodded and Rory asked,

"Where's your new place?"

"Not too far from the park."

"Did Chris move with you?"

"No," Jess said. "It's just me, for now. And the books."

He grinned at her and Rory smiled shyly in return. Jess ate the last of his danish and remarked,

"I thought you were going to make a crack about hiding bad music again."

"Got distracted by coffee," Rory said quickly, making him laugh. "I need more caffeine."

"I believe that," Jess said. His voice was light but he looked serious when Rory looked into his eyes and, to stop feeling uncertain, she said,

"Do you remember Paris Geller? She moved here a few months ago."

"Huh," Jess said. "I wonder if she'd still kill me for liking Bukowski."

There was a teasing tone in his voice this time and Rory laughed out loud.

"Probably. She's in cancer research now. She's working on a special program for med school."

"That's cool. Are you still friends with Lane?"

"Of course. She's still in Stars Hollow – she's married and she's a mom."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously. Sometimes I can't believe it."

"Does she still do the band thing?"

"When she has time to practise."

Jess nodded but didn't say anything and Rory drained the last of her drink.

"This really is good coffee," she said admiringly and Jess laughed in turn.

"I told you."

"I had to taste it first."

"You don't trust my judgement?"

"I do," Rory said. "Just had to find out myself."

Jess smiled and Rory began feeling awkward again. Sweat trickled down her back. They slipped into silence and Rory waited for Jess to finish his own coffee, trying not to stare. Instead, she looked around the room, admiring the paintings and photographs and it didn't seem too long before Jess said he was ready to go. He paid for their drinks, insisting it was his treat, and they walked without saying anything back to the subway. The silence was more companionable than uncomfortable and Rory enjoyed the late morning warmth on her arms and face. She was almost sad to stop when they reached the subway steps.

"It was good seeing you," Jess said, his voice a little hesitant. "You look good."

"Thanks," Rory said, and, noticing her tone, Jess said,

"You look well, I mean."

"I know what you mean. So do you."

Jess nodded. For a moment they stood still, not saying anything, and then Jess broke the silence.

"So do you want to catch up again?" he said. "For coffee or something?"

"That'd be cool," Rory agreed. "Hear about your books and such."

"Hey, no promises," Jess and they both laughed. He reached over, deftly touched Rory's arm and said,

"See you, Rory."

"See you, Jess."

He nodded and waited until she had descended the steps. Rory glanced behind her, seeing his footsteps disappear, still feeling the warmth of his fingers. It was only when she was back in her own apartment, making her own coffee, that Rory noticed her own hands were trembling and the heart in her chest was fluttering like a young bird. She drank a bottle of water while waiting for the coffee to brew and realised that they had not brought up their fight once, aside from acknowledging feeling nervous. Rory poured, drank and, as she scalded her tongue, wondered if it was good or not. Either way, she thought, she had enjoyed seeing Jess. She'd been happy to see him, happy to talk to him, her old friend, as he had described. Rory finished her drink and went to shower and, despite the clammy water, the arm Jess touched still felt warm and there was a heat inside the water couldn't wash away.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks for the feedback!**

"You're_ kidding_."

"I'm not."

Paris Geller stared at her best friend in mute disbelief and Rory, embarrassed, exclaimed,

"Paris, quit staring! It's not that big a deal!"

It was the following evening and Paris had come over for pizza. They had eaten it in front of the television until Paris switched it off in a rage, scattering cheese and tomato as she ranted about opinion polls. They were leaning against the counters in the small kitchen and Rory felt her cheeks blush.

"Yes it is," Paris contradicted. "It's a very big deal. This is Jess, Rory. You haven't seen him for more than a year and then you go for coffee."

"It wasn't a date!"

"So what was it then?"

"Just two friends catching up," Rory and, to her friend's smirk, "Stop looking at me like that!"

"Did you make out with him?"

"No!"

"Did you want to make out with him?"

"Paris, please," Rory said hotly, crossing her arms and looking away. "It was nothing like that. We got coffee, that's all."

"All for now," Paris remarked. "You know, you still haven't told me what happened between you, when you went to see him that time."

"There's nothing to tell," Rory said stoutly. "Nothing happened."

"I don't believe you," Paris said. "I know something went on."

"Paris, all I did was go to his place, tell him about what happened with Paul and sleep over. That's all."

"Didn't you sleep in his bed?"

"He wasn't in it!"

Paris grinned and Rory rolled her eyes.

"Speaking of Paul," Paris said, "does Jess know about what happened?"

"He knows we broke up."

"Does he know why?"

"No," Rory said shortly. "It doesn't matter."

Paris raised her eyebrows and Rory said sharply,

"Don't you have some cancer cells to go examine?"

"Hey, I'm just looking out for you here," Paris retorted. "I know you still have issues –"

"I do_ not_ have issues!"

"and you're still mad about how he left," Paris continued, ignoring Rory's interruption. "I know you are."

"That was years ago," Rory said quietly and, after Paris didn't reply, "I don't want to talk about it."

"Fine," Paris said. "I still think something happened though."

"Well, you're wrong."

"For now," her friend replied. "I bet you end up sleeping with him."

"I'm not going to respond to that."

"He'll be in the bed with you this time," Paris teased and Rory exclaimed,

"God, enough! Don't you have to go to the lab tonight?"

"Doyle's with some friends from the office," Paris said. "Which means after dinner they'll spend half the night arguing about what morons other journalists are and how they can write better articles."

"Sounds like your kind of night."

"Yeah, well, it's the same stuff every time," Paris said. "And Doyle said they're scared of me."

"I'm sure that's not true," Rory said, badly hiding a smile, and Paris said,

"Oh please, I eviscerate them. Their arguments have no weight, they just like the sound of their own voices. Anyway, Doyle didn't want to eat dinner with me so I'm going to the lab later. I'm concentrating on the same sample every day next week."

"Wow."

"I have to write a report for my experiment next week. How's your week looking, Gilmore?"

"I have to interview some people and then write up an article on it."

"Anyone you need to squeeze information from? I still have contacts from Yale."

"Along with restraining orders," Rory remarked. "Do you still have those flip-flops?"

"Yes, I consider them a trophy."

"Speak for yourself. I think I'm good."

Paris shrugged and Rory said,

"The article's on commuting in New York. I don't think I need to _squeeze_ anyone."

"Fascinating. I thought you were going to write an article on the music scene this month?"

"It's got pushed to next mo nth," Rory said. "It's no big deal, I'd guess."

"If you say so."

"The article shouldn't take too long to write, anyway," Rory said. "I'm going home next weekend so I'm looking forward to that. I'm just going to hang out with Mom."

"Be careful you don't get lost in any haystacks," Paris commented. She wiped a hand across her mouth and asked,

"So what do you think your mom'll say?"

"About what?"

"You know. I remember you saying she was weird about Jess."

"That was a long time ago," Rory said uncomfortably. "Anyway, I've told you a million times, nothing happened."

"Not yet," Paris said wickedly, picking up her purse. "Who know, maybe you'll be inviting Jess to the next town square dance Anyway, I'm going to go spend some quality time with petri dishes."

"Have fun."

"It'll be a blast," Paris said. "You know, sometimes I think they react more than you."

"Bye!"

Rory heard her friend chuckling as she walked down the hall. She went back into the apartment, which suddenly seemed bare and, as she cleaned the pizza crumbs away, Rory closed her eyes, suddenly feeling exhausted and strangely alone.

On Friday Rory packed to go home. It didn't take her long to throw her clothes and books into a bag and soon she was on the interstate to Connecticut. As she had predicted, the article had been easy to write but it had also been dull and Rory felt more tired than if she'd been writing a piece double the length. She'd showered and changed as soon as she'd got home from the office and now she was navigating her way to Emily and Richard's for a Friday Night dinner. Rory's attendance had faded after leaving Yale but she still tried to go every few weeks, when she had time. There was something comforting in this obligation, this routine, and at times it felt an indulgence for her as well as her grandparents. Rory pulled off the highway and into the city and as she parked in front of her grandparents' house and opened the door there was a cry of,

"Hey, Gilmore!"

Rory looked up to see her mother beaming, leaning against the jeep, and as her daughter approached Lorelai came over and wrapped her in a hug. She was wearing a black dress and her loose hair brushed Rory's cheek as she leaned over.

"Hi Mom."

"Hey, kid," Lorelai said, kissing her cheek. "How was the drive? Heinous?"

"Actually, it wasn't too bad. The traffic was clearer than I expected."

Lorelai nodded and Rory asked,

"Did you see me coming?"

"Nope."

"Were you waiting?"

"Give or take twenty minutes," Lorelai grinned. "I didn't want to go in without you."

"Coward!"

"Hey, I haven't seen you for two whole weeks and I'm your mom. I get dibs on talking to you first. It's not fair that we have to have dinner without me seeing my daughter before x."

"I've missed you, too," Rory said fondly. "And we're going to have the whole weekend to catch up."

"You think we should ring the bell?"

"It's like you read my mind."

Lorelai made a dramatic sigh and rang the bell. Almost as soon as she pressed it the door was flung open and Emily exclaimed,

"Here they are! Come in, come in!"

"Hi, Mom," Lorelai said, shooting an unnerved look at Rory as her mother pulled them inside. "No maid tonight?"

"Oh no, Leonora's here, I just wanted to see my girls first. Rory, it's been too long. Let me look at you!"

Rory allowed her grandmother to step back and look her up and down, giving her the feeling of being scanned and, in recognition, Lorelai said,

"Jeez Mom, she's not a museum piece."

"Oh, Lorelai!" Emily scoffed, turning away. "Let me talk to my granddaughter. How are you, Rory? How was the drive?"

"I'm fine. It was fine."

"Well, your grandfather's in the living room and we shouldn't keep him waiting. He's been locked in his study all week, mumbling about memoirs. I think he has something for you, Rory."

"Don't tell the girl," admonished Richard as they made their way into the living room. "Rory, I have something to show you, though I daresay Emily has told you it all already."

"How could I when you've been buried in books all week?" Emily protested. Rory sat next to Richard who, beaming, produced a large, leather-bound book.

"The first edition of Ring Lardner's memoirs!"

"Oh – Grandpa!" Rory exclaimed. "No way!"

"Yes, way! I recalled having a copy when going through some inventory last week and I was determined to find it for you and there, I have."

Richard sounded as proud as his smile and Rory reached over to hug him.

"I love it, Grandpa. Thank you."

"Yes, well," Richard said, abashed. "I hope you have time to read it. I know how busy you are."

"I'll make time. This is great."

Richard smiled again and took the glass of wine Emily offered. Rory took one too and Emily remarked,

"You know, when I gave Elsa the list of drinks for this week I was still thinking I should include soda for you. It's so silly, you have a job in New York now and I still think of you as being sixteen and too young to drink wine. I used to include soda on my list every week and now I want to out of habit. It's foolish."

"It's not foolish, Grandma," Rory said. "I still like soda. I don't mind drinking it if you want to get it."

"You're sweet," Emily said, smiling sadly. "But you don't need to pretend for me."

"Hey, Dad, you didn't happen to find any of my old vinyls, did you?" Lorelai asked, breaking the silence. "Because I couldn't find my Bangles record last week and I suddenly had this memory of trying to play it on your record player in the study because yours was way better than mine and –"

"Drink, Lorelai," Emily said. "I'm sure there's no such nonsense in your father's study."

"I seem to recall banning you from my study after that because you almost destroyed the turntable," Richard remarked. "That must have been why."

The maid appeared to announce dinner and, as they got up, Lorelai whispered to her daughter,

"Aren't family dinners fun?"

As Rory cut into her pork chop Emily asked,

"So tell us, Rory, how's life been in New York?"

"It's fine."

"And work? Are you enjoying it?"

"It's –"

"And are you eating well?" Emily persisted, cutting her granddaughter off. "I hope you're eating a rounded diet, Rory, I thought you looked a little thin. Do you eat three meals a day? Are you getting enough sleep?"

"Whoa, Question Lady!" Lorelai exclaimed. "Let her answer one thing before you hound with her another."

"I'm not hounding!"

"Rory's fine," Lorelai said and Emily replied tartly,

"I'm talking to my granddaughter, if you don't mind. Are you fine, Rory?"

"Yes, Grandma, I'm fine," Rory said, a little weary of the adjective. "I promise."

"And you're eating properly? You're getting enough sleep?"

"I'm not malnourished in any way and I go to bed at eleven."

Emily nodded, not looking entirely satisfied and said,

"I still doubt you cook real meals. Well, you're eating properly now, at least. Tell me, how is work?"

"Work's...great," Rory said, biting back the word_ fine_. "I just finished an article. I'm totally done for the week."

"And how are things outside work?"

"What do you mean, Grandma?"

"I mean, what have you been doing outside work? Seeing friends? I hope you still have an active social life, Rory. I was so sad when you left the DAR."

"My social life is fine," Rory said, too annoyed to change the word. "I actually saw an old friend last week."

"You did?" Lorelai asked curiously. "Who?"

"It's not important," Rory said, regretting saying anything. "Just an old friend from home."

"Well, there's nothing like old friends," Emily said briskly. "Pick up your fork, Lorelai. You want to eat that chop before it gets cold."

Lorelai did so and, as she finished the meat, Rory felt her flummoxed stare all through the course and dessert.

"You were being shady at dinner."

"I was not being shady."

Rory got her bag from the car, closing it and starting up the path. Her stomach protested with every step.

"You so were," Lorelai said, opening the front door and standing in front of it so Rory couldn't pass her. "You're more shady than that big guy Moose. What old friend? Why were you being so weird about it?"

"I wasn't being weird! Look, can we continue this extremely pointless interrogation inside?"

"Boy, you're crabby when you're tired," Lorelai said, letting her daughter inside. "It's a good thing gorging slows you down."

"Shut up," Rory said weakly. She put a hand on her stomach which let out a threatening gurgle and said, "I should never have had that second piece of pie."

"Especially not with icecream!"

"Mom, do you want me to puke?"

"If the puke comes with answers."

"Mom, please," Rory begged. "Stop right there. I'm going to go change."

"I'll still be here!" Lorelai called as Rory went into her bedroom. "And I'm still going to pry!"

Rory ignored her and closed the door. Her room was unchanged from when she had lived there. The same posters still hung on the walls, the same stuffed animals were on the chair and inside the closet hung her Chilton uniform. Rory took off the expensive purple dress and exchanged it for a T-shirt and sweats she found in a drawer. She hung up the dress, stuffed her feet in some slippers and came back out to find Lorelai in similar attire, lying on the couch with a big bag of marshmallows.

"That's sick."

"You know you want one," Lorelai said, holding out the bag. "Spill."

"My stomach's going to explode," Rory said but, after a moment, she took a marshmallow and sat next to her mother, pushing her legs out of the way and tucking up her own.

"Come on, Rory. Talk."

Rory chewed the marshmallow before taking a deep breath and saying,

"The old friend was Jess."

"Jess?" Lorelai exclaimed. "As in, Luke's nephew?"

"I don't know any others!"

"So why didn't you say anything?"

"Remember when Jess came to dinner that time? It was hardly a rousing success."

"Rory, that was years ago, and besides, why didn't you say anything to me? We talked three times last week and you didn't mention it once. Why?"

Rory shuffled her feet slightly and looked down.

"I don't know," she mumbled and heard her mother sigh.

"Come on, Rory. You had a reason."

"I thought you'd be weird about it," Rory said eventually. "I thought you'd make a big deal."

She helped herself to another marshmallow as Lorelai stared and then demanded,

"What does that mean? Yes, it's a little weird, Rory. You haven't seen him since before Lane's wedding and now you're hanging out and you never told me?"

"It was one coffee," Rory said quietly. She'd never told Lorelai about going to see Jess last year and, it seemed, Jess had never told Luke either. Rory decided now was not the time to bring it up.

"And that was weird too," Lorelai continued. "Going to his open house."

"He's my friend."

"Your friend? Rory, the last time you saw him before that was when he begged you to run off with him! And the time before that, he told you he loved you and drove away! In what interval of time did you become best buddies?"

"Mom, stop it!" Rory exclaimed, making her mother stare. "Just stop! You and Paris, acting like I did something lewd or wrong when all I did was see my friend and yes, he was my boyfriend but he was my friend first and you act like it means nothing!"

"Rory," Lorelai said in astonishment as her daughter stopped for breath, suddenly unable to look her in the eye. "Honey, what is it? What did I say wrong? I wasn't trying to accuse you of...Rory, look at me."

Rory unwillingly looked up and Lorelai took her hand.

"Sweets, what is it? I wasn't trying to upset you."

"I know," Rory said, throat tight, and Lorelai pressed,

"Well, what then?"

"It's nothing," Rory said, wishing she was on the phone so she could make an excuse to end the conversation. "It's just – all we did was go for coffee, Mom. It was nice. I hadn't seen him since – it's been a long time and I liked seeing him. I missed him. What's wrong with that?"

"There's nothing wrong with that," Lorelai said gently. "Oh Rory, I just want you to be happy."

"I am, Mom. I'm fine."

Lorelai nodded, relinquishing her hand and sighing. She ate another marshmallow herself and asked,

"Are you going to for coffee again?"

"Probably."

"Did you tell him about Paul?"

"Sort of. He knows about him, and that we broke up, but I didn't go into it."

"What would he need to know about him?" Lorelai asked. "He didn't see you when you were together."

"Right," Rory said awkwardly and, before her mother could notice, said, "So, have you remembered it's Movie Night?"

"_Remembered_?" Lorelai exclaimed, leaping off the couch in excitement. "Are you insinuating I could forget? Check out the selection, box one is videos and box two is DVDs. Take your pick."

"I say video," Rory said, smiling. "Let's go retro."

"Amen to feeling old, sister friend."

Lorelai and Rory watched two movies before dragging themselves to bed, Rory realising she had eaten half the bag of marshmallows. Her stomach made a threatening rumble as she crawled into bed.

Rory lay awake long into the night and it was not the ill-advised gorging which kept her up. The words of her mother and friend echoed in her mind and Rory shifted over and over in the hopes of finding a position comfortable enough to sleep. They had not said anything she hadn't suspected them of thinking already yet hearing it made Rory more uncomfortable than before. She thought about how Lorelai didn't even know about her other visit to Jess, after Lane's wedding, and what her mother would say. Lorelai had thought it was weird enough to start with and Rory screwed her eyes up as she imagined her mother's response. She lay on her back, wondering what Lane would say, and Luke, and why it was bothering her so. Paris's acrid words sounded in her mind, her amusement about sharing his bed and Rory felt her cheeks redden in the dark room. She was glad her mother was asleep and, as she turned over again, her thoughts moved to Jess and what it meant to him and if he, too, was feeling this almost teenage sense of shame. As Rory finally drifted into sleep her dreams were unsure, seamed with uncertainty and the searching sense of misunderstanding.


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks for the feedback! Happy New Year!**

The next day Rory went to Lane's. Lane had stayed in Stars Hollow with Zach and the twins and was pregnant again. The baby was due in January and Lane was already more than sick of the wait.

"I wish there was a fast forward button," her friend complained. "Pregnancy's the worst."

"At least you know what to expect," Rory had comforted weakly. "You're prepared this time."

Lane had let out a snort.

"That makes it worse," she had said. "And I swear this one is giving me twice as much morning sickness, which is a real cosmic joke as it's not even twins this time. Wake me up when it's time to give birth!"

Rory had a sneaking suspicion the pregnancy wasn't planned but didn't like to ask. She made her way up Lane's path and, as she neared the house, the sound of drum beats assaulted her ears. Rory knocked on the door three times and eventually went around to the window where she waved to her friend, startling Lane so that she almost fell off the stool. Rory waited and it was a guilty smile that she said,

"Sorry."

"That could have been ugly," Lane said, slowly moving aside so Rory could get past. "I totally forgot you were coming over."

"Now that makes me feel special."

Lane laughed and hugged Rory, her growing stomach between them.

"I'm sorry," she said, leading her into the living room. "The twins are at Mama's and this is the only time I get to practise – probably the only kind of time I'll get before the baby comes."

"That's okay Lane. How's it been?"

"Tiring," Lane grimaced. "But I'm good. Do you want a coffee or something?"

"Hey, sit down and let me make it."

"I've been sitting down for an hour. Let me before I'm so big I can't get up."

Rory laughed and nodded. Lane went into the kitchen and, as Rory turned to the couch, saw that the twins had been at work and had littered it with toys, books and several musical instruments. Rory lifted everything up, unsure where to place the pile and smiled as she saw Lane's spare drumsticks amongst the toys. It seemed the twins were taking after their mother already.

"Oh no," Lane groaned, coming back into the living room. "The boys took the sticks again?"

"And the cymbals," Rory said, lifting them up. Lane rolled her eyes, taking them in her free hand.

"Great."

Lane gave Rory a tired smile and sat down on the space Rory had cleared. Rory put the rest of the mess on the floor and sat beside Lane, who looked at her sheepishly.

"Hey. Sorry to offload the minute you come through the door."

"I'm your best friend, it's my job."

"Thanks," Lane said. "And _my_ job is to ask how you are. How's it going?"

"It's okay. It's good being home. New York can get way too busy."

"I bet it's quieter though," Lane joked, looking nervously at the front door as though the twins were bursting through it. "

"It's good. Busy."

"It sounds exciting," Lane said wistfully. "Did you write that article you told me about? Did you use the list of bands I gave you?"

"Not yet. They pushed it back a week."

"That's too bad. I guess it gives you more time to prepare it."

"Yeah, I guess."

Rory smiled and Lane asked,

"Have you done anything cool? Living in New York looks immensely cool."

"I keep telling you, it's a lie perpetuated by the movies."

"It has to be a little bit cool."

"It is, but I've been working so much I haven't had time to go out and do anything that exciting."

"I'm sure anything is more exciting than Taylor's new leash law campaign."

Lane rolled her eyes and Rory chuckled.

"I don't know," she said, kicking away a toy which had tangled around her foot. "I go out for drinks with the people on the team sometimes. I caught up with Jess the other day."

"_What_?"

Rory looked at Lane whose mouth had fallen open.

"And you leave this until last," she scolded. "After making a big deal about nothing exciting ever happening in New York and then you tell me you saw Jess! Rory!"

"Lane!"

"Come on, Rory! Why wasn't that the first thing you said?"

"I didn't want you to make a big deal," Rory said, glancing away. "It's Jess."

"A big deal?"

"Yes, like the one you are making!"

"Sorry!" Lane said in exasperation. "But it's Jess!"

"I know!"

"It's Jess! You haven't seen him since you had that fight and you barely told me what happened there and now you just casually met up with him the other day? Rory!"

"I –"

"It's Jess!"

"I know, I was there!"

"But this is big, Rory! God, you two were addicted to each other! I swear –"

Lane caught herself and Rory asked dangerously,

"You swear what?"

"Nothing, forget it."

"Lane, tell me."

Her friend sighed. She paused for a moment before saying,

"I swear you could get back together with him."

"Lane."

"Hear me out, Rory. I know what you're going to say. I know you went out with him years ago, when you were just kids, but you always seem to come back to each other. He asked you to run away with him."

"That's –"

"I know, it was crazy, it was dumb, but he came back. And he came to see you after God, how many years? To tell you he wrote a book? And then went all the way to Philadelphia to his open house and then you went to him when you were fighting with Paul and now you're friends with him again..." Lane's voice trailed off in thought. "Rory, it's not so crazy to think something could happen, is it?"

Rory shrugged, looking at her hands and Lane asked,

"What did happen, anyway? When you went to his place last year?"

"I told you, nothing."

"Something must have. You clam up whenever I mention it."

"Lane, I've already been through this with Paris. Nothing happened. There's nothing exciting to tell."

"I know something did. You're so secretive about it. Have you even told Lorelai?"

"Lane, I don't want to talk about it!" Rory said, snapping her head up. Her voice was almost a yell and Lane looked hurt as she said,

"Sorry."

"No," Rory said, hating the look she'd put on her friend's face. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you Lane, I'm sorry. I was being a jerk."

"You're not a jerk," Lane said quietly. "It's just – I'm your best friend Rory, or I'm supposed to be."

"You know you are."

"Okay, so don't best friends talk about stuff like this? It's what we're here for. I miss you Rory. You live all the way out in New York City and I know it's not that far, but it may as well be California for me. I never left Stars Hollow, I've never lived anywhere else and I can't just drive to see you."

"Lane –"

"Rory, I'm not mad at you. You know I'm happy for you, I just miss being able to talk like we did."

"I miss that too."

"So then _talk_," Lane said. "Even if it's mundane, I'm starved for entertainment here."

Rory laughed and Lane added apologetically,

"But not if it's private. If you don't want to talk about Jess it's not my business. Even if I am bored."

Rory smiled and said,

"Lane, I promise nothing happened and if it did I'd be the first to tell you."

"Well, I don't think Jess would."

"That's not what I meant. I mean, I promise I'd tell you. I don't want to talk about it because we yelled and it was horrible."

"So was it horrible seeing him last week?"

"No," Rory said thoughtfully. "It was fun. It was kind of nice."

"It wasn't weird?"

"It was, but not in a bad way," Rory said. "We just got coffee and talked."

"You didn't talk about the fight?"

"Not this time."

"Do you think you'll see him again?"

"Yeah," Rory said self-consciously. "I think I will."

She grinned as Lane smiled in excitement, making her laugh out loud and as they giggled Rory felt eighteen again. They drank their coffee, exchanging news about Zach and the twins and Luke and Lorelai and finally Rory said,

"I've got to go. I promised I'd meet Mom for lunch."

As she spoke the front door flew open and two very small boys shot through it, screaming with delight to see their godmother.

"Aunt Rory! Aunt Rory!"

"Save yourself!" Lane laughed. Rory ignored her, took the twins in her arms and it was only when Mrs Kim came in with a care package, condemning Rory with her eyes, that Rory reluctantly got up and got her purse.

"I'll call soon," Rory promised. "Bye guys. Goodbye, Mrs Kim."

"Goodbye," Mrs Kim said coldly. "Lane! These muffins are only good for twelve more hours. We shall make tea."

"Bye," Lane said, carefully walking her friend to the door and, in a lower voice, "Wish me luck."

Rory grinned and waved. She checked her cellphone for messages and her eyes widened as she saw she was seriously late. Rory ran the remainder of the way to Luke's and fell, panting, onto a chair two minutes before her mother arrived. A glance behind the counter showed Luke wasn't even there to supply coffee, only Caeser, who was talking to Miss Patty.

"Wow, you have been away too long," Lorelai commented. "Don't you know I'm the one who's always late? Paul Anka got out all my blankets, I think he was trying to make a fort. He forgot the pillows."

Rory grimaced, unable to catch her breath. Lorelai sat down beside her and took the advantage of her daughter's silence to ask,

"So how's Lane?"

"Great," Rory said, her throat unsticking. "Tired. She wants the baby to be born."

"I know that feeling. Trust me, once Lane's had a month of sleepless nights she'll regret that statement."

"I'd keep that to myself if I were you."

Lorelai grinned. Rory dug into the purse, grabbing her water bottle and as she gulped down the cool liquid Lorelai asked,

"So did you tell Lane about Jess?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"What did she say?" Lorelai asked, ignoring her daughter's tone. Rory shrugged.

"She was surprised, I think," Rory said. "She asked if I was going to see him again."

"And?"

"And yeah, I guess."

Rory deliberately picked up her bottle to stop answering. Lorelai watched her drink and said,

"You know, Luke's not going to be too happy about you drinking water you got from a store."

"Well, I wouldn't have to if he brought us some coffee," Rory retorted. "Where is Luke, anyway?"

"Hey, I'm his girlfriend not his messenger."

"Really? I thought you'd want to know where the source of your coffee was at all times."

Lorelai laughed and as they chuckled the door swung open and Luke came in, a large bag of coffee beans in his arms.

"Aw, for me?" Lorelai asked happily. Luke rolled his eyes and said gruffly,

"They're for the customers."

"I'm your best customer!"

"Customers who tip."

"But I'm your girlfriend," Lorelai said, fluttering her eyelashes in exaggeration. "Shouldn't I get a free cup?"

"If I gave you free cups you'd drink this whole bag and die of a caffeine overdose."

"Impossible," Lorelai scoffed. "Don't you know me at all?"

"That's the problem," Luke grumbled. "If you'll excuse me, this bag needs to go in the back before I drop it and, if the past is any clue, you'll start scooping the beans off the floor."

"Hey, you do know me!" Lorelai called in delight as Luke struggled into the back. "Bring us some coffee while you're out there, would you?"

Luke shouted something about clogging arteries and Lorelai giggled, turning to Rory.

"He loves it."

"Oh, sure."

"Hey, he leaves a bag of beans at the house at least once a week. I'll be able to climb a mountain of them soon."

Rory smiled. Ever since Luke had started seeing her mother again there were traces of him everywhere in the house. He hadn't moved in yet but there were constant souvenirs he had left behind; socks, shoes and his toolbox, much to Lorelai's delight. She made a filthy joke about it every time. Rory was glad to see her so happy but it made her feel strange to go back home, a reminder that it was almost his home rather than hers. The only room untouched was her own.

"Heart attack, heart attack," Luke said, making Rory jump out of her musing. "Enjoy."

He placed the cups on the table, making the liquid jump, and as Rory lifted her coffee to sip he sighed and shook his head.

"I tried to stop this. You're as hooked as your mother."

"Hey, you say it like it's a bad thing," Lorelai commented. "Kiss?"

He pecked her on the cheek, looking shyly embarrassed, and as they smiled Lorelai's cellphone went off.

"Outside!"

"But –"

"The sign is law!"

Luke's blush faded instantly and Lorelai made a face at him as she went out, shutting the door hard before her. Luke and Rory glanced at each other, unsure of what to say.

"Hey," Luke said awkwardly. "How's it going?"

"Good," Rory said, shaking herself. "I'm good."

She got up and hugged him, already dreading his question. It came as soon as she sat back down.

"So you saw Jess?"

"Yeah," Rory said, trying to sound normal. "It was nice."

"And...it was okay?" Luke asked hesitantly. "Me giving him your number?"

"It's no big deal."

"Because I didn't know it was okay," Luke said uncomfortably. "I didn't want – I didn't mean to make things hard."

"Luke, it was fine."

"I know you guys have – well, you know. I didn't...I'm sorry if I did the wrong thing."

"Luke, I promise it was okay," Rory said earnestly, making herself look up. "It was fine and you didn't do anything wrong, I swear. I liked seeing him."

Luke smiled a little and opened his mouth to ask something. He closed it again and, as Rory frowned, he said in a rush,

"How is he?"

"He's fine," Rory said gently. "Jess is doing great."

"Well, good," Luke said, sounding relieved. "Not that – I know he can take care of himself but he doesn't call that much."

Rory wondered what they talked about when they did. She wondered if they ever mentioned her, and what Jess had said and an unwilling blush covered her cheeks.

"Rory, are you alright?"

"I'm fine," Rory said quickly. "It's nothing."

"I'm sorry if –"

"Luke, it's okay," Rory said, urging the redness of her cheeks to fade. "I'm just warm, that's all."

"It's all that coffee," Luke joked. His eyes were still disbelieving but he asked unsurely,

"Rory, when you – if you – if you talk to Jess again would you tell him that..."

His voice trailed away and Rory smiled.

"I'll give him your love."

"Don't say it like that," Luke said, sounding embarrassed. "Just tell him I say hello."

"I will. I promise."

"Only if you see him," Luke repeated. "Tell him that."

Rory nodded and Lorelai emerged, breathless.

"Sorry," she said. "Soufflé disaster at the inn but I think Sookie has it under control. She's running interference with maple pancakes. What did I miss?"

Luke and Rory looked at each other for the briefest moment and Luke said quickly,

"Just catching up with Rory. How's work going? I forgot to ask about that."

He pulled up a chair and Rory launched into a description of the paper, relieved that her mother had come in when she had. Luke sat with them until they clamoured for cheeseburgers and then their talk turned to Sookie and seeing her for dinner that night. Jess was not brought up again and Sookie's house was so busy with Davy, Martha and little Ellen that no one asked, and Rory was relieved not to volunteer the information. On Sunday afternoon she packed her bag and sadly kissed her mother goodbye.

"Drive safe," Lorelai said, hugging her. "No stopping for Hells Angels on the way."

Rory burst out laughing.

"Isn't that something you would do?"

"It's my plan for the next trip," Lorelai teased. "Along with a tattoo. Goodbye, sweets."

"Bye, Mom. Love you."

Rory kissed her one last time, patted Paul Anka who had come out to see and stepped into her car. As Rory drove away, her mother diminishing in the distance, she bit her lip. The feeling of turmoil was familiar in the twist in her stomach and Rory drove steadily, turning on the radio. She was glad and sad all at once: sorry to be driving away from her home and best friend and relieved to going back to her own apartment and New York. The roads were clear and aside for a stop for a coffee break Rory was home within three hours. She showered, changing into looser clothes, and as she turned on the percolator her phone buzzed with a text. It was Jess.

Rory read the message. He asked how she was, how home had been, and Rory called him back, pleasantly surprised he had remembered. Jess answered almost instantly.

"Hey, Rory."

"Hi, Jess," Rory said, curling her legs up on the couch. "I just got your message. Home was great."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I just got back."

There was a pause and Jess asked,

"Would you like some dinner?"

"Dinner?" Rory echoed stupidly and, then, giving herself a shake, "I haven't eaten."

"So you would?"

"Okay. Thanks."

There was a pause and Jess said,

"How about if we meet by the subway? Where I saw you before?"

"Sure," Rory said, her mouth suddenly dry. "I'll be there in half an hour."

"Great. Bye."

Rory went into the bedroom, trying to swallow the arid taste in her mouth. She brushed her hair, applied some makeup and hesitated before grabbing her purse. She got the train into the city, the heat curling around her arms, and Jess was already waiting at the top of the steps. Rory smiled.

"Hi."

"Hey," Jess said. He was wearing jeans and a short sleeved shirt and the warmth had made little waves in his hair. "Hungry?"

"Starved."

"How about pizza?"

"Perfect."

Jess led Rory down three streets before stopping in front of a stall, away from the crowds enjoying the evening.

"One with everything on it, please."

"Same here," Rory said quickly. "Thanks."

Once they had paid they walked to a small park, sitting on a bench. As they ate Rory was reminded of that day so long ago where she had found Jess reading in Washington Square Park. She wondered who was sitting on their bench now.

"Is it any good?"

"Huh?"

Rory jumped and then blushed at own thinking of it being their bench. Jess looked at her quizzically.

"The pizza, is it any good?"

"It's delicious."

"You're very quiet."

"Just thinking."

Jess nodded and they finished their slices in silence.

"So how was home?" he asked eventually. Rory shrugged.

"Fine. I saw Mom and Grandma and Grandpa and Sookie and Lane."

"You said she has kids?"

"Twins and she's pregnant again."

Jess whistled through his teeth and Rory said,

"I'm exhausted just thinking about it – exhausted just spending a few hours with them. Lane deserves a medal."

"When's the baby due?"

"January."

Jess nodded and Rory said carefully,

"I saw Luke."

"Yeah?"

Jess's voice was casual but he sounded like his uncle as he asked,

"How is he? Is he okay? I mean, not that he wouldn't be – how's he doing?"

"Fine," Rory said. "Busy telling Mom off about drinking too much coffee."

"Sounds about right," Jess grinned. They both laughed but his smile faded and Rory added,

"He asked after you. He says hello."

Jess nodded and Rory couldn't help saying,

"I think he misses you."

"I call when I can," Jess said, brushing the crumbs from his hands. "I don't want to disturb him."

"It's Luke, Jess! He'd want you to."

Jess shrugged but he nodded, his mouth in a taut line.

"He's glad you're doing well," Rory said shyly. "I told him."

Jess nodded again, looking a little more relaxed.

"Thanks."

"Well, he knew you were."

Jess smiled and Rory smiled too. As she looked at him her mind wandered to her previous thoughts, if he had ever asked Luke about her, and the unwelcome heat warmed her cheeks again. Rory looked away but not quick enough for Jess to ask,

"What?"

"Nothing, I'm hot."

"Rory," Jess said, unfooled. "What's going on?"

"I just wondered," Rory said, looking up. "What you and Luke talk about?"

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing," Rory said, wishing she'd kept her mouth shut. "Forget it."

"Did I ever talk about you?" Jess asked sharply. "Is that it?"

"I said forget it."

"I never told Luke about last year," Jess said. "If that's what you mean."

"I knew that!"

"How?"

"I could tell."

"Great powers of deduction," Jess said sarcastically. "Just so we're clear, why didn't you tell him? I'm guessing you didn't, after you told him how I was."

"It's none of his business."

"Nor your mom's, I'm guessing."

"Jess, I don't want to talk about it," Rory said, clenching her nails. "It was a mistake."

"Which part was the mistake?" Jess asked. "Seeing me or going back to Paul?"

"Don't you bring him up," Rory said, standing up. "He has nothing to do with it!"

"Are you ashamed that you came to see me? Like before?"

"It's not that!" Rory said, heart beating. "Jess, I could never be ashamed about you."

"So why haven't you said anything?" Jess asked, standing up as well. "And what did happen with Paul?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Rory said with finality. "It's none of Mom or Luke's business and I don't want to talk about Paul. Thank you for the pizza."

"Rory –"

"I have to go," Rory said, bending to get her purse. "I have work in the morning."

"The same job," Jess called as she walked away. "How did that work out?"

Rory ignored him but his words were still in her mind the next day as she got up, went to work and sat at the same desk she'd worked at for a year. Rory started her computer and resigned herself to the day.


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks for the feedback!**

Rory's relationship with Paul had ended on a day much like those of this summer. It was sticky and sultry and they were both badtempered though, if Rory was being honest with herself, it had accumulated for months. Two weeks after she had gone to see Jess, one day at work, Rory bumped into Mark with a box of his things. They smiled and he patted her on the shoulder.

"I'll miss you, Rory."

"You too," Rory said sincerely. "All set for the move?"

"All my things from the office," Mark said, looking at the box in his arms. "Hey, I wanted to thank you."

"Me? What for?"

"I mean, I know you were first choice," Mark said, shifting the weight in his arms. "For the Philadelphia job. I wouldn't even have gone to Johnson if Paul hadn't said you weren't sure."

"What?" Rory asked dumbly and Mark explained,

"You know, he said you didn't know because you didn't want to leave New York. He said I'd be great for the position and if Johnson had sense she'd think the same."

"What did Johnson say?" Rory asked, her voice low. Mark, oblivious, said,

"She said she didn't know you were stressed about the position and if I wanted it, it was mine. She said if you still wanted it we could talk about it but you didn't say anything so I figured it all worked out. It did, right?"

Rory didn't answer. A curious kind of heat was spreading through her, along with a clammy coolness. She couldn't move but she couldn't stay there and her head snapped up as Mark said,

"Rory?"

"I have to go," Rory said, surprised she could speak. "Congratulations again, Mark. You deserve it."

"Rory, did I say something wrong?"

"No," Rory said, managing to step aside him before he could see her face fall. "Enjoy Philadelphia. It's a beautiful city."

Rory heard Mark make a sound of acknowledgement but she ignored it and, not even stopping to cool down, went straight to her boss's office, who stared as Rory entered.

"Rory, are you alright?" her manager exclaimed. "You look terrible."

"I have a migraine," Rory said, her voice trembling. "Can I go home?"

"Of course – can I get you anything? A glass of water?"

"I just want to lie down," Rory said. "I'm sorry to leave in the middle of things."

"Go and get better. I'll tell Paul to take over your work for today."

"He's good at that," Rory said quietly. "Thank you."

Rory went straight home, took a shower and changed into loose clothes, going to lie on the bed. Her head ached almost as badly as she had made out but Rory simply lay still, staring at the wall. She felt worse than when Mitchum Huntzberger had told her she'd never become a journalist and, from the way things had turned out, Paul had taken care of that. Rory closed her eyes and squeezed back tears, thinking back to her fight with Paul, her fight with Jess. She yearned to drive home and spill it all out to Lorelai but as she thought about picking up the phone Rory didn't think she could face the conversation. She did not want pity, not even from her mother and, suddenly weary, Rory closed her eyes and slipped into a feverish sleep.

Some time later there was a knock at the door and Rory, startled, sat up. Her head still ached and she winced as, bleary-eyed, she went to the door and opened it. It was Paul, with a bunch of flowers and smile on his face.

"Hey, sicko," he said, holding out the blooms. "Why didn't you tell me you were going home?"

"How did you get in?" Rory asked coldly, ignoring the bouquet and, frowning, Paul said,

"Your neighbour let me in – he knows who I am. I didn't think you'd mind me checking on you. What's wrong?"

"How could you?" Rory demanded, snatching the flowers and flinging them on a table. "How could you give my job to Mark?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh, don't play dumb!" Rory snapped. "I talked to Mark. He told me you said I didn't want the job!"

"Rory –"

"So he went to Johnson! You practically pushed him there!"

Paul looked at her, starting to pale and Rory cried,

"How could you? God, I am such an idiot! I could be in Philadelphia right now! Why didn't I listen to Jess?"

"Who's Jess?"

"Who's _Jess?_" Rory exclaimed, half-sobbing. "What does that matter? This is what matters. I lost my job because of you and you didn't even care enough to tell me the truth. Fuck you."

"Rory, listen," Paul said, taking her arm. "I didn't tell Mark to take your job."

"Like hell you didn't! You're still lying to me!"

"Rory," Paul said, craning round to reach her eyes. "I told him you were thinking about it. I told him he'd be great for the job, if you didn't take it. I didn't know he was going to talk to Johnson."

"Well, you certainly nudged him to her office!"

Paul didn't answer and Rory straightened up, shaking off his arm and looking at him properly.

"And you didn't call to tell me that. You knew she was going to give the job to him if I didn't say anything and you didn't tell me. You must really have wanted me to lose that job."

"Rory, when Mark called me, he said it was already decided."

"And you still didn't tell me any of this was going on."

"Rory, I was mad at you," Paul said, upset. "I didn't know Mark was heading there – we'd spent half the night in a bar, after you left, and I stayed even later than him. I woke up late with a hell of a hangover and the first thing I saw, after your text, was Paul saying he'd gone to Johnson. When I called him he told me it was decided."

"You should have told me," Rory said, voice trembling. "You kept it to yourself and I wouldn't even know if Mark hadn't thanked me personally for so graciously letting him have it. He should be thanking you!"

"Rory –"

"Get out," Rory snapped. "I can't talk to you."

"Rory, I'm sorry. I didn't want to tell you because – look, I know I should've. I was just happy we'd made up and it all worked out. I didn't want to mess it up."

"It was already messed up," Rory said. "Everything is wrecked."

They looked at each other silently and Rory said,

"You need to leave. I can't see you anymore."

"You want to break up?" Paul asked incredulously. "Rory, I'm seeing you in the office tomorrow. We can't avoid each other."

"No, thanks to you," Rory said furiously. "But you aren't my boyfriend. Not after this."

"Rory –"

"Get out," Rory said, walking to the door and opening it for him. "I don't want you in my apartment."

Paul stopped, hesitated and then walked out, his head low. Rory waited until she heard his footsteps fade, the outer door close and she ran to the window to see him walking away. Only then did she walk back to the table where she picked up the flowers and tore off the petals, one by one. Rory dropped the stubs in the trash and sat limply in a chair. _Who's Jess? _She laughed bitterly and closed her eyes, thinking back to her argument with him. _You wouldn't take it back. _She couldn't call him now and Rory resigned herself to going back to the office tomorrow and trying to start over.

Rory's resolve didn't last long. As Paul had accurately predicted, they couldn't avoid each other. Daily, it seemed, they were thrown together, asked to put together a piece and work on a project. At first Rory tried to act as though they had never been together, talking to Paul coldly and professionally, but her tone would fade as he looked at each other and their skin brushed as they reached for the same pens. Paul had never lived with her but most nights he stayed over and Rory constantly found pieces of him there: an pair of boxers, an old shirt, forgotten DVDs and even after she thought she'd returned it all a new object would resurface and Rory was hurt all over again. Gradually, as the weeks passed, she thought more of how she missed her boyfriend than how he'd betrayed her and, one warm afternoon, as they unintentionally met at the photocopier, Paul put his hand on the machine and looked her squarely in the eye.

"Rory, I miss you."

"I need to use that," Rory said, trying to keep the detached tone. "You're in the way."

"Rory, I'm sorry," Paul said, ignoring her. "I love you. I know I was wrong. I know I shouldn't have told Mark about the position, I just didn't want to lose you. I'm sorry. I was scared and stupid and – look, can't we try and start over? I miss you. I miss you so much."

Rory tried to shake her head, say it was too late, but she couldn't get the words out.

"Paul..."

"I love you," he said again. "I was scared that if you moved away I'd lose you. I know I've said I'm sorry but I am, Rory. I'd take it back if I could, but I can't. I love you and that's all I can say. I love you, Rory."

Rory looked at him and then, without thinking about it, she was back in his arms and kissing him, breathing his familiar scent.

"Do you forgive me?"Paul asked gently. "Are we okay?"

"Yes," Rory whispered, the fierce relief overpowering the tug in her mind. "I forgive you. I love you."

For a while, they were okay. Rory settled into her old routine, staying over at Paul's and he at hers, waking late and laughing as they rushed to work. Rory relaxed and it was a relief not to have put on a front, trying to ignore him beyond necessary at work and being able to smile as they put together an article. This surrender was so sweet that Rory ignored the rage she had felt and defeat she'd sensed that afternoon not so long ago, which still hurt inside. It was so good to have Paul's arms around her again and assurance of his love. After all, she supposed, the wage she earned wasn't too much lower than the offer in Philadelphia and she enjoyed the job she already had. Perhaps it hadn't been such a loss after all. Still, Rory couldn't help recalling Jess's pointed remark, that this was what she did when she was scared. Rory bit her lip and would concentrate on her work, which she still had, after all, and Paul as well. She pushed Jess to the back of her mind.

One weekend morning Paul prodded Rory awake. She was still half-asleep and was irritable when Paul said,

"Rory!"

"What?" Rory asked groggily, opening her eyes but not sitting up. Paul was waving a paper in his hands.

"Wake up!"

"I am," Rory said, unwillingly pushing herself up and out of the last of sleep. "What?"

"Look!"

Rory rubbed her eyes and looked at the page Paul was thrusting at her. It was a page of listings.

"What's this?"

"Apartments!"

"I can see that," Rory said, still grumpy about being shaken awake. "What about them?"

"What do you think?"

"I don't know," Rory said. "Nothing excites me before eleven AM."

"Get excited," Paul said simply. "Look, they're all apartments here in New York. Two bedroom apartments."

Rory stared at him helplessly for a moment and then realisation dawned.

"You want to get an apartment for us? You want to move in?"

"Attagirl!" Paul said, grinning and making the bed shake. "What do you think?"

"I..."

Rory was fully awake now. She stared at the page, parts of which Paul had circled and could only ask,

"What's made you decide this?"

"We've been together for a while now," Paul answered. "I love you. We spend half our time at each other's places, half the time we go straight there from the office. We're barely living in our own apartments. Why don't we try living together?"

Rory didn't know what to say. She looked at her boyfriend and when her mouth opened she found herself saying,

"I really like this apartment."

"What?" Paul asked, laughing. "Since when? Rory, the shower barely works. You're always complaining about how the water changes temperature halfway through."

Rory smiled weakly and he put his hands over hers.

"We can get a brand new apartment," he said earnestly. "Our own place. It might not be perfect but it'd be ours. What do you say?"

"I don't know," Rory said honestly. "You've kind of sprung this on me."

"Well, I was lying there last night," Paul said, "thinking about how dumb it is that I spend half the week in my apartment and you spend half the week at yours and most nights we sleep together anyway, so I went online. I looked up some places and this morning your paper came and I looked some places up." He patted her nose and said fondly, "I've always thought it's cute how you still order a paper."

"I like having one," Rory said dumbly and then, "we haven't discussed this."

"Don't you think it's time?"Paul asked. "We love each other, we got over –" he hesitated and said, "If it doesn't work out, it doesn't, but can't we give it a shot?"

He looked at her pleadingly and Rory slowly nodded.

"Okay. Let's give it a shot."

He laughed and kissed her, oblivious to Rory's doubts. The paper crushed between them.

They looked at apartment after apartment. That weekend and the weekend after that was spent touring the streets of New York, culminating in arguments. There was always something wrong with the apartment; the location, the design, the building and finally Paul shook his head.

"You don't want to move in with me."

"What?" Rory asked uneasily. "Of course I do. I've spent the whole week looking at apartments with you."

"And we can't agree on any. None are right for us."

Rory couldn't refute this and Paul looked at her, taking her arms.

"Is it not enough of a commitment?" he asked. "Do you want to get married? Do we have to get engaged to make it enough?"

"No," Rory said quietly. "I don't want to get married."

Paul met her eyes and let his hands drop.

"You still haven't forgiven me."

"It was months ago," Rory said but he shook his head.

"You still haven't forgiven me. I can see it."

Rory opened her mouth to argue but she knew he was right. The hurt was still there, the pain felt like yesterday and when Paul asked,

"How long is it going to take to make it right?" all she could do was shake her head. Rory knew she wouldn't forgive him, never could and never had. Paul stared and then said quietly,

"You don't love me anymore."

"I'm sorry." It was all Rory could say. They looked at each other and Paul let out a bark of laughter.

"It's good I didn't sign away my apartment."

"Paul –"

"Rory, it's over," Paul said, his voice heavy. "We can't try again."

"I'm sorry," Rory said again. "I wish I could - I wish it were different."

"It's not," Paul said simply. "No use in wasting words, right? Isn't that what we're told at the paper?"

"Paul –"

"Goodbye, Rory."

Rory nodded silently and watched as he picked up his bag and left. She silently sighed, closing her eyes, oddly feeling no urge to cry. The saddest thing, she knew, was that it didn't matter if Paul had talked to Mark or not. She had stopped loving him anyway.

Work was less hard than before. They still worked together but as the hope of reuniting had ceased there was no need to pretend. It still hurt, seeing Paul every day, but the sadness was mixed with relief, understanding that it was over. They worked quietly, talkingwhen necessary and one afternoon Paul stopped Rory in the corridor.

"Can I talk to you?" he asked in a low voice. Rory nodded, surprised. They hadn't had a private conversation in weeks and Paul led her into an alcove where a printer used to stand.

"I've got a new job offer," he told her. "In Ohio. I'm taking it. I wanted you to know first."

"Ohio?" Rory echoed and then, "Congratulations."

"It's not the most exciting place," Paul said. "But it's something new. I need – it's a good job."

"I know," Rory said, understanding him. "When do you leave?"

"Two weeks. I've already told Johnson but I wanted you to know before it got around the office."

"Thanks. I appreciate that."

"Well," Paul said. "I just wanted you to know."

Rory nodded and he opened his mouth to add something, closed it and nodded as well. Rory watched him leave. She had never forgiven him but her anger had abated a little. Instead, she was disappointed, knowing there was nothing she could change. Paul left two weeks later and Rory didn't want to cry.

As the next few months Rory settled back into work. People's well-meaning questions about how she was ceased, much to her relief, as did their unwelcome comments that the office much be more comfortable now that her old boyfriend had left, which was why they never mixed business with pleasure. Rory took these remarks with gritted teeth and found herself even frustrated with Lorelai, who kept expecting her to cry it out, to wallow over the loss of her relationship. She was upset but couldn't tell her mother that the real reason was for how long it had lasted, how Jess had been right. She never told Lorelai about that night, nor did she plan to. She doubted on seeing Jess again and that was the thought which kept her from sleeping, rather than pondering about Paul.

Now Jess was back and Rory felt as unsure as when she'd been seventeen and he was new in town. She did not wish him away, out of sight but not out of mind, yet didn't know what to say to him. She enjoyed Jess's company, hearing his witty conversation and in many ways it was as though no time had passed at all. It was always that way with him. Another part of seeing Jess, Rory knew, was his uncomfortable way of getting to the nub of a problem and refusing to let it go. He'd look in her eyes, never looking away and Rory was as hesitant as a teenager. He knew her, he always had and all through work that week Rory couldn't shake him from her thoughts. It was almost a relief to leave the computer and the project she was halfheartedly working on and start home. Rory was halfway there when she almost collided with someone on the corner.

"Sorry," she said and stopped as she looked up. It was Jess.

"Hi," she said awkwardly and Jess held up a bag.

"I was getting some milk."

"All the way across town?"

"I was in the neighbourhood. Had a meeting at the bank."

Rory nodded and then nodded again as Jess asked,

"You just get off work?"

They looked at each other uncertainly and Jess said,

"This is suitably awkward."

"It's not –" Rory started to say and then shook her head. "No, it's very awkward."

"So," Jess said, putting his spare hand in his pocket and rocking on his heels, "what do we do about it?"

Rory shrugged. He didn't look away and finally she said,

"I didn't want to fight with you."

"Me neither."

"I wasn't mad at you."

"You were a little."

"Okay, a little," Rory agreed. "But I wasn't angry."

"I wasn't trying to put you on the spot," Jess said. "You know, asking about Paul."

"That's okay."

"Good. And it's okay with me too."

They smiled and Jess held up his bag.

"Do you mind if we go somewhere with a fridge?" he asked. "I feel kind of dumb standing here with a carton of milk."

"My place is right around the corner," Rory said. "I was just on my way home."

"It has a refrigerator?"

"And a freezer."

"How can I resist?"

They started to laugh and Rory led the way home. They climbed the long flight of steps and when Rory pushed open the door Jess exclaimed,

"Casa Rory!"

"It's not much."

Rory saw the room as he did; a cramped kitchen and minute living room, leading to a tiny walkway between the bathroom and bedroom. She blushed but Jess said,

"I like it better than the last place - your grandparents'."

"Yeah," Rory said. "I moved out after that."

"I know."

They glanced at each other and Rory quickly moved over and opened the refrigerator. Jess thanked her, putting in the milk, and Rory said,

"Do you want a coffee?"

"Absolutely."

She put on the percolator and as the coffee brewed Jess asked,

"So how was work?"

"Okay, I guess."

"Wow, I can feel the enthusiasm from here."

Rory laughed and poured out their drinks, handing him a cup.

"It's just been kind of monotonous, I guess. I feel like I'm writing the same article every week."

"Ever think about quitting?"

"And go where?"

"I don't know. Anywhere. Isn't that what you used to want?"

Rory shrugged uncomfortably. She got her own cup and sat on the sofa, saying,

"Take a seat."

Jess sat next to her and Rory wished she'd sat at the table instead; the cushions sagged in the centre and Jess's legs were almost brushing hers. He was wearing a suit but, as the weather was hot, he'd taken off the jacket and loosened the shirt. Rory concentrated on her coffee.

"Is it weird at work?"

"What?" Rory asked, blinking and Jess clarified,

"Working with that guy. You said you worked with him."

"Oh, no," Rory said. "He left. He's in Ohio now."

Jess nodded. There was another pointed silence until finally Rory said,

"It was a mistake."

"Being with him?" Jess asked and Rory nodded. She gulped her coffee, took a deep breath and told Jess the whole story. Jess listened patiently, not trying to ask anything and eventually Rory said,

"So now I don't see him. It should be easier but it still sucks."

"Not because you miss him."

"Because I want it to be different."

Rory looked up and blushed, not intending to have said so much. It felt good, however, to have told the story, even with omitting parts concerning her audience. She was deeply grateful he hadn't remarked that he'd known it would happen. Jess looked thoughtful and said,

"It sounds like you're tired of where you work."

"It's a good job. The people are nice."

"You want more than that."

"What do I want?" Rory challenged. "If you know so much?"

"I know you don't want to be stuck somewhere you've got everything out of. I thought you wanted to be a foreign correspondent."

"That was a long time ago."

"You wanted to see everything."

Rory looked into Jess's eyes. She'd been ready with an answer, prepared to say she had responsibilities and was older now but the words flew away. She hesitated and he looked at her intently. Rory tried to say something, anything, but they both jumped as a buzzing sound suddenly echoed around them. Jess reached into his pocket, looking embarrassed.

"It's my cellphone."

"And you always hated them," Rory said ruefully as he got it out and read his text.

"It's a message from Chris. He wants to check something about inventory."

"Oh," Rory said weakly as he tapped a message back, putting his phone away.

"Sorry."

"That's okay."

Jess was the one who seemed off-balance now, smiling awkwardly.

"I called Luke," he said eventually and Rory sat up straighter.

"You did?"

"Yeah, after you mentioned it. He's good."

"That's good," Rory said. "I'm glad he's good – I'm glad you called."

"You are?"

"Yes, I am," Rory said and Jess nodded, grinning.

"Good."

They sat silently for a moment, Rory reaching helplessly for something to say when Jess got up.

"I should go," he said. "I need to call Chris back, give him more advice."

"Oh. Okay."

Rory walked him to the door and then remembered,

"Hey, your milk!"

"Right," Jess said, going to it. "I totally forgot about it."

"Me too, and it was the point of you coming in the first place."

"Was it?" Jess asked vaguely. "See you, Rory."

"See you," Rory said, slightly confused. "You can come over again, if you want."

"I can?" Jess asked and, with a sudden boldness, Rory grinned.

"After all," she said, "you haven't seen my books yet."

Jess returned her smile and said,

"Now that's a necessity. Goodnight, Rory."

"Goodnight, Jess."


End file.
